How to Hold Your Coworkers Accountable
Every team has unspoken rules. You learn who's quick with reviews, who's always on time to standup, and who cuts corners when the pressure is on. Most of the time, you adapt. You cover for weaknesses, you celebrate strengths, and you keep moving.
But sooner or later, you hit the wall: Am I the only one pushing here? It's the moment you wonder if your standards are too high or if your teammates are coasting.
This week, we'll look at how to tell the difference and what to do about it. We'll walk through how to check whether your expectations are fair, how to raise concerns without hurting relationships, and how to build a culture where everyone feels accountable. The goal isn't to be the team cop. It's to make sure you and your peers are pulling in the same direction so the whole team moves forward.
When You Feel Like the Only One Pushing
Most engineers eventually reach a point where they feel they care more about their work than the people around them. You stay late to polish your code, but your teammate shrugs off review comments. You're chasing deadlines, but others move at their own pace. It's frustrating, and the easy conclusion is that they don't care.
In reality, most people do want to do good work. A peer once told me during a heated architecture debate more than a decade ago, "We're all here to do a good job." That line stuck with me. The problem usually isn't intent. It's alignment. Without clear expectations, everyone defines "a good job" differently. One developer thinks speed matters most. Another prioritizes clean design. A third just wants to avoid breaking production.
When these definitions drift apart, frustration creeps in. You see gaps in effort or quality that your teammate doesn't even recognize as a problem. Left unspoken, this gap erodes trust and motivation. Brought into the open, it can actually raise the whole team's standard. The difference comes down to how you approach the conversation.
Check Your Expectations First
Before you push someone else to raise their game, pause and check whether the bar you're holding is fair. It's easy to confuse personal preferences with team standards or to expect more than the situation allows.
A few quick questions can help you sort this out:
- Are goals consistently being missed despite real effort? If so, the bar may be set too high.
- Does the work rarely stretch anyone? If everything feels easy, expectations may be too low.
- Do teammates have the time, skills, and resources to meet the bar? If not, the problem isn't effort, it's support.
- Is this about team outcomes or personal taste? Focus on things that affect quality, delivery, or collaboration—not quirks that only matter to you.
If you're unsure, take it back to the team. Agree together on what "good work" looks like. That alignment makes it much easier to hold each other accountable without it feeling arbitrary.
For a broader perspective, Harvard's Amy Edmondson describes this balance as psychological safety with accountability—teams need both trust and standards to perform well (Harvard Business Review).
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How to Give Feedback Without Burning Bridges
Once you know your expectations are fair, the next challenge is speaking up. Telling a peer their work isn't hitting the mark can feel awkward, especially when you don't have authority over them. The key is to make the conversation about the work and its impact, not about their character.
A few approaches that work well in peer-to-peer settings:
- Situation–Behavior–Impact (SBI). Stick to the facts. Describe what happened, what the person did, and the impact it had. Example: "In yesterday's deploy, the code was merged without review, which caused a production bug that slowed the team for hours."
- Radical Candor. Balance directness with care. Show you value the person while being honest about what needs to change. Example: "I like how quickly you get features moving, but skipping tests puts the rest of us in a tough spot."
- Feedforward. Focus on what's next instead of rehashing mistakes. Example: "For the next sprint, let's break the feature down so we can review it earlier and avoid last-minute pressure."
The framework matters less than the principles. Be specific, point to the effect on the team, and keep the conversation forward-looking. That way, your teammate hears the feedback as help, not as a personal attack.
How to Start the Conversation
Even with the right framing, the hardest part is often just opening your mouth. Timing, tone, and intent all matter.
- Keep it private. Don't call someone out in front of the team. A quick one-on-one after standup or a direct message to set up a chat shows respect.
- Lead with shared purpose. A simple reminder helps lower defenses: "We're all here to do a good job, and I want to make sure we hit our goals together."
- Ask before telling. Questions invite dialogue. Questions like "What's realistic for finishing this module?" or "How can I help move this forward?" open the door without making it an attack.
- Stick to behavior and impact. Discuss the event and its significance to the team, rather than focusing on personal aspects.
- Offer support. Feedback lands better when you make it clear you're in it with them. Pairing for an hour or helping test can turn critique into collaboration.
- Invite feedback back. Closing with "And please let me know if you ever see something I could be doing better, too" signals humility and builds trust.
Handled this way, accountability strengthens relationships instead of straining them. You're not lecturing—you're showing you care enough about the team's success to address the issue head-on.
For more context, Atlassian has a good overview of giving peer feedback in engineering teams.
Pushing your peers isn't about playing team cop. It's about ensuring everyone works from the same definition of "a good job" and holds each other accountable. That kind of accountability strengthens relationships and teams.
The next time you feel like the only one pushing, pause and check your expectations. If the bar is fair, bring it up with clarity and care. Most teammates want to do better when they see how it helps the team succeed.
The challenge for you this week: think of one place where your team could raise the bar. Start the conversation, and frame it around shared purpose. What felt like conflict is actually the spark that moves everyone forward.