Don’t Let Your Next 1:1 Drift
Over the last 15 years, I’ve been on both sides of the 1:1—both as an engineer and as a manager. I’ve had conversations that led to real growth, and others that felt like we were both just filling time.
Looking back, the difference usually came down to preparation.
When someone sends over a few priorities or questions ahead of the meeting, I can think about them. I can gather input, connect dots, and show up ready to help. When they don't, we spend most of the meeting figuring out what the actual conversation should be.
I’ve made the same mistake myself, bringing up something halfway through the meeting that would’ve been more useful to communicate a few days earlier.
Here’s how to prepare to make every 1:1 matter.
Why Your 1:1 Falls Flat
If your 1:1s feel like status updates, you’re not alone.
Roughly half of employees say their 1:1s are only "somewhat effective". And even worse, 1 in 4 said they leave their 1:1s more confused than when they walked in.
It’s not that 1:1s can’t be valuable. But if all you do is recap what’s already in Jira or Slack, it’s hard to get real value from the conversation.
The real work of a 1:1 happens when your manager has enough signal to be useful. That might mean giving feedback, helping unblock something, or backing you up on a decision. But they can’t do any of that if they’re hearing about the issue for the first time during the meeting.
Giving early context lets your manager focus your 1:1 on productive discussion.
How to Prep for Your Next 1:1
You don’t need a complicated template. Instead, focus on a few key areas:
1. Start a list today
Throughout the week, jot down the things you’d bring up if the 1:1 were happening today:
- Questions you’ve been sitting on
- Decisions you’re unsure about
- Progress you want to make visible
- Friction that’s slowing you down
The goal is not to rely on memory when the meeting rolls around. Capture it when it’s fresh.
2. The day before, send a quick note
Pick the 2–3 most important things you want to cover. Then send your manager a short message—Slack, email, doc, whatever works.
Keep it simple:
- One line per topic
- A little context, if it helps
- A link or screenshot if it’s relevant
Here is what it looks like when done well:
- Seeing some auth errors from the last deploy. I have a few ideas on how we can clean that up. Here’s the log snapshot for context.
- Want to walk through the senior expectations doc (link) together. I flagged a couple of questions I had as I read through it.
- I noticed code reviews have been taking 4–5 days. I have some thoughts (be sure to include a link) on how we could trim that number down.
It doesn’t need a ton of polish. You’re just giving them a chance to show up ready.
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Where can AI save you time?
My friends at Big Creek Growth put together a quick survey to spot the repetitive work you can hand off to automation.
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Most people either overshare or undershare.
Most people either give too much context or not nearly enough. The conversation either gets stuck in the weeds or never gets off the ground.
Here’s what helps:
- A short sentence that names the problem
- A couple of points with context or examples
- A clear ask (what you want from the conversation)
- A link or screenshot if it saves you time explaining
Here are a few examples to help you right-size your context:
Bad:
“I want to talk about the auth pipeline.”
Your manager doesn’t know if it’s broken, confusing, blocked, or political.
Better:
“I’m running into edge-case failures in the auth pipeline. We’ve had 3 in the last week. I’d like to talk through whether this is a fix we prioritize or something we live with for now.”
Bad:
“Can I get feedback on how I am doing?”
Feedback on what? When? In what context?
Better:
“I’d like your feedback on how I handled the last project handoff—especially how I communicated with the design team. Anything you think I should have done differently?”
Your goal is to make it easy for your manager to understand what you’re asking for and why it matters.
Tailor Notes to Your Manager’s Style
Not every manager processes information the same way. Some skim. Some want details. Some wing it.
You don’t have to guess forever—but you do have to pay attention.
A few things to watch:
- If they ask for links or docs before meetings, they probably want time to think before reacting.
- If they say to “bring it to the 1:1,” they may prefer a live discussion.
- If they seem scattered, short, or surprised, they might not be getting the kind of signal they need.
If you’re not sure, ask:
“Is the way I’m prepping for our 1:1s working for you? Would you rather I send more or less detail ahead of time?”
That one question can save you months of friction.
Your goal is to shape your communication to fit how they absorb information.
When it works, you should notice your manager shows up ready to engage. The conversation flows. You get better input, faster decisions, and fewer follow-ups later in the week.
Ultimately, your 1:1 is one of the few consistent opportunities you have to shape your work, get support, and discuss in detail with your manager what you are working on.
That only works if your manager gets the context they need in advance.
start by capturing the real things worth talking about, and send a little context before the meeting.
Here are the key takeaways: Prepare by capturing discussion topics throughout the week, provide clear context to your manager ahead of time, tailor your communication to their style, and you’ll have more effective, engaging 1:1s that drive growth and clear outcomes.